I’m beginning to get over, I think, the nastiest head/throat bug I’ve ever had in my life. I very, very rarely get sick — this is the first time since I was still in middle school — so it’s been fun. I hate the odd flavor of lucidity that comes with illness. I hate the way I can’t sleep when sick, the way I sort of half sleep.
Anyway, I think it’s nearly past. I still feel pretty awful, but less so than I have over the past couple of days.
More importantly, the day has finally arrived and I’m taking the GRE tomorrow morning at 9am. Between the lingering illness and the fact the test is starting two hours before I generally even wake up these days, it promises to be a pretty miserable time, but alas it must be done, the money is paid and time is short.
I’m actually quite excited about it. Anxious, nervous, intimidated as well, of course, but also very authentically excited to be doing it. I think this is because our lives are generally made of important, crucial moments we never saw coming, were never able to prepare for, and to me this kind of thing is an exception. This test could very easily be the deciding factor in whether or not I can go to graduate school, and past that, which graduate school.
I knew it was coming, and have spent approximately the last 40 days studying for it quite a lot, as well as reading general testing tips, taking simulated CAT GRE tests to see where I stand, and so on. I feel confident. I don’t think I’m going to land an 800, but I think I’ll do a good enough job that the score will keep open the doors to the schools I’m applying to.
I’m going to wear my #10 ND jersey tomorrow, for a little mental psych-up and a little Irish Luck, perhaps. It’s a bit dorky, but I’ll need all the luck I can get tomorrow, and it just makes it all a bit more fun to me. One of those moments where I feel like my future is in my hands (I always believe it is, but really embracing the idea is very hard a lot of time…easier to blame Fate or Ryan Luck) and I’m doing what I need to do to go where I want to go.
So, any luck or prayers (if that’s your bag) are welcome, if for nothing else than for my physical health. I am concerned my illness will still be strong enough to affect my concentration (as it has done horribly since it hit) and cause me not to perform well, but there’s simply nothing I can do about it except hope I wake up tomorrow feeling great (aside from the godforsaken hour of SEVEN AY EMM).
Wishing all of you the best.
RS
